Airport Architecture Design Principles

Many years ago, at a literary festival, I went to a talk by an autistic  
who helped design abattoirs.  The story was that she had special  
empathy with the livestock, and could spot things that might bother
them, sights, sounds, smell, space, and could suggest other things
on the positive side to make the experience more pleasant, the whole  
"about to be slaughtered" experience.  I don't know if she is  
available for work on airports, but perhaps they could benefit
from a similar treatment.  In the mean time, based on a recent experience
departing from Gatwick North, I've come up with a few airport
architecture design principles myself:
 

  • from any point in the airport through which livestock items are to be processed, a livestock item should be be able to see at least one clock    clearly, and statically, displaying the current time 
  • bright, flashing objects should not project light into livestock items' eyes    during the journey through the facility, or irritate the livestock items'   peripheral vision; this includes screens, and, in particular, advertising screens
  • livestock items should not be crammed into small, overcrowded rooms full of ski twats immediately prior to boarding 
  • livestock items should not be herded round a winding shopping path, back and forth, like a maze but with a single route, and very brightly lit, after clearing security and before reaching the main airside departures are  
    • it must always be possible for a livestock item to bypass a "designated  shopping route", and to complete their journey without being forced      to run the gauntlet through a forced shopping alley
    • a person responsible for violating this principle, including "architects", airport managers, and so on, should be destroyed using the electric shock and captive-bolt technique, and incinerated 
  • receipts issued by airside shops should function as valid VAT invoices, in case the livestock item is able to reclaim VAT later


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

the persistent idiocy of "privileged ports" on Unix

google is giving more and more 500 errors

Guernsey Waste in incorrect bag-rejection horror May 6th, 2024